How to believe in myself?
Learn how to build your self belief from the ground up. Whether you think you go it or not. This episode will keep you on your top game.
In life we are constantly creating plans for the future. But things don’t always work out according to the plan. As a result we get stuck in our ego and fight with our emotions and thoughts. Figure out what you can do instead.
Making plans is part of our human nature, whether we are into productivity skills or not. We make plans. Plans that we hope will work out. When they don’t we get trapped in our ego. We begin to get tormented by our own expectations, by our own thoughts and emotions.
The problem arises from our expectations and how we think that everything will work out in our way. This is true even from the most pessimistic people amongst us.
When we have this skewed idea that things will either work or not work we enter the black and white thinking. The kind of thinking that keeps our emotional brain engaged and keeps us from moving forward.
The process of changing our attitude and perspective starts with understanding what is going on. It starts with noticing the shades of grey.
Join me in this episode and learn what you can do to move past the rut and into your power.
00:46 Simon Sinek quote
01:09 My week and how I came up with this story
01:36 Perfectionistic view of the present
02:04 Black and white thinking
02:11 Start to reflect
02:17 Why is reflection so important
02:40 Change meaning and attitude
02:55 1. Acknowledge it
03:52 Is this realistic or Perfectionistic
04:25 2. Accept it
05:47 3. Learn from it
07:05 4. Be grateful
07:19 5. How do we get out of this?
08:40 Be understanding and compassionate
09:07 Everything in life is an opportunity to learn
09:51 Take a step back and see things from afar
10:18 Start riding the waves of life
10:35 Michael Jordan Quote
Do you find yourself wanting things to be a certain way in your life in your wake in your day, wanting things to go according to your plan for things just end up being completely different to what you plan to things appear to be stacking up against you.
In this episode, we’re going to talk about how you can change your attitude. And what are some things that you can do to shift the way that you see things when things aren’t going according to plan.
Welcome my friends to another episode from inside treasures. My name is Phoebus. And I love to challenge myself and those around me for the purpose of growth. This podcast is about helping you to heal, change and grow.
As my friend Simon Sinek said, we don’t know much when everything goes right. We’ll learn the most when things go wrong.
But this is something we often forget, when things are going wrong, we begin going into a spiral, and everything that we do, because of step further down, we don’t want to be instead, there’s a lot that we can learn when things go wrong.
Let me tell you a little bit about my week’s mystery. This weekend had a certain vision about how things would work out, my plan would work out the kind of things that I would be doing.
Then as I progressed through my week, I started noticing that there was a certain discomfort, I was feeling certain things that things were just not going according to plan. It wasn’t only that I was how I was perceiving it, kind of meanings that I was giving it.
What I realized through this process was that I had this perfectionistic view on my mind this picture that things should only be this way. And if they’re not this way, then off then the wrong then there hasn’t been anything deemed beneficial for me. Like nothing is working out.
So my wake is not really going the way that I plan it the way that I had in my head. And that started to build frustration started to make me feel judgemental about myself the key here to understand from this black and white thinking of things being perfect or not perfect.
When things aren’t going to plan for me, what do I start to do, I start to reflect why reflection is so important. Because when we notice, again, it comes back to awareness.
How are we feeling how we’re thinking how this thoughts are spiralling down, guiding us into a path that we don’t want to be walking on, then there’s something that we need to do. First thing is to start with reflecting.
So what are some things that we can do to shift our perspective? What are some things that we can do to change the meaning and change our attitude towards what’s going on in our life? Again, this is a concept that it can be applied in all sorts of different areas in your life.
But in this case we’re focusing on when things aren’t going to plan. What is it that you can do? First step is to acknowledge it, acknowledge the thoughts, acknowledge the emotions, start checking your senses, your perception and your perspective are giving you certain information.
You’re giving things a specific meaning, you have a picture, a perfectionistic picture, how things should be. And when those things don’t match that perfect picture, either black or white. We forget all the shades.
Trick here is to start noticing has there been any progress? Maybe not today, maybe not this week, but hasn’t been any progress in general thought noticing the grace shades in between you better off than where you were before, by the start and looking at your achievements and your progress.
And the things that you’ve actually managed to do versus the things that you haven’t managed to do might not be fully what you expect, you’ll start to notice certain Shades of Grey, which move you away whether this is black or white, whether this is perfect or imperfect frame of mind to start from is this an expectation of realistic or a perfectionistic because it starts and this stems for the expectation we have for things.
I’ve made a plan and expect a plan to go as I planned it. This is not happening. So this is causing me certain emotions. Be just mental frustration again, or it can be something else for you.
It might make you feel sad in might make you feel angry, really depends on what it is and why you’re dealing with. The first step is technology. Second step to take is to accept it.
The only way to move on is by accepting things. tempting doesn’t mean we’re choosing to stay where we are. It just giving space for things to be giving us space to feel compassionate about ourselves to figure things out. And give that space in order for us to be able to reflect, be able to open up and say, Well, this is what has been happening and accept that that has been happening.
It starts with a fundamental expectation that things will not always go according to plan and know that you know that, and I know that, but when we’re going into our day to day life, we fall into that trap of thinking that things are gonna go according to plan, annoyed, you know, realizing it in the moment, right now, realizing it, when we go through it, what makes the difference, that’s what make the distinction.
It’s not only the ideas coming in, it’s also how we use them and what they matter the most. Remembering that I’m having this expectation that things should be perfectly should go my way.
Expectation shows that we are in a black and white frame of mind, this kind of thinking keeps us stuck. Realizing that helps us escape and help us move on to help so acknowledging, feel more compassionate towards a single person says, what’s what we’re going through. By accepting it will learn to move on.
Next step you can take is to learn something from it. Keep coming back to this concept, whenever you’re going through difficulties.
These are signs that you can learn something from it, I can learn something from my difficulties, to sign telling us that there is friction here, there’s something that needs adjustment, something that needs to change. Usually, the change belongs to the sphere of attitude. And also the sphere of perspective, the way we see things, the angle, we look at things and what kind of meaning we give them.
What’s causing this?
Remember one thing, don’t get stuck here. Learning is an important step. But it’s not our final step. It’s not a final destination. So make it quick. What can I learn from this? You can go back and still think what can I learn?
What can I learn?
After move on beyond that, take the first thing that comes in combine the say, right, I can learn this. Right? For example, I’ve been having this perfectionistic view of how the weeks ago, what can I learn from this, I can learn that I can take a different approach and different perspective. And remember that things aren’t always black and white things will not always go the way that I want them to go.
And that is fine. And I can take the learning and apply it in the future as well. Then we can be grateful, grateful for the learning grateful for the awareness grateful for the compassion and acceptance we given ourselves. And then to also once we notice in the progress to be grateful about the progress that we’ve already made.
Lastly, is about how do we get out of this. And define what are the kinds of steps that we need to take that will build a momentum to the direction where we want things to go. Let’s look at a much perfectionistic view that we have. Just so that we move a step closer to where we want things to be knowledge in accepting, learning, being grateful and identifying the action that we need to take. These are the steps to help us shift our perspective.
Change our attitude and move things closer to our plan closer to the way one thinks to go. Remember, when things aren’t going according to your plan, instead of feeling frustrated, resentful, judgemental towards yourself, towards society, towards other people, whatever it is, instead of blaming and giving away your control, take back control, acknowledge what’s going on, reflect in the process of it.
learn from it, let go of the perfectionistic view of the present of the future, some black and white thinking that limiters that instead of empowering us and fuelling us and propelling us to go towards where we want to go, actually pushing us backwards, then what’s the way to actually fuel and support yourself start by accepting it start by learning start by by being grateful for the things that we learn from the things that we’re going through.
And again, in going instead of being judgemental, we can be more understanding, more compassionate towards ourselves, part of acceptance that’s part of loving, that’s part of loving ourselves, and loving what’s happening right here, right now. Because our tendency is to run away, is to oppose is to resent, it’s to fight this kind of attitude. Sometimes they can be helpful by usually the detrimental to our success that detrimental to our progress.
Every single thing that we meet through every day is an opportunity to learn it’s an opportunity to grow and if we get stuck into this is how things should be. But this is not how things are. And we’re not really learning much then we’re not really growing much staying stuck.
And that’s why we need to also identify the kind of actions that we can take the kind of shift in perspective, how could I look at this differently? What kind of attitude Can I assume that will help me that will support me that will
show love to myself and to those around me? when things don’t go according plan, I can devise a new plan, I can adapt my plan, I can find a new path that will lead me to to my plan that will lead me to my success to my end goal.
Whatever that is for you, as we see it from what it is, then we have the ability to step back, take a step back, see things from afar try to be a little bit more objective through our subjective reality. How do we do that? Assuming different perspectives, is seeing things a different way, by thinking, a feeling or experiencing life as it comes the way that it comes. Milan.
Wave after wave of the wave,
we ride them instead of drowning. We learn to ride the waves coming our way. We learn to balance on the surfboard, we learn to ride the wave down all the way to the beach. As my friend Michael Jordan said, If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up, figure out a way of how to climb it.
I’m here to help you heal, change and grow. If there’s something that resonated with you something that you need help with. Use the contact form.
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Until next time, my friends let peace guide your life, love guide your heart and reason guide your thoughts
Photograph by Simon Migaj
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