Finding stillness is an art and a science. On this episode we will explore the different benefits that stillness can bring to your well being. Visti Online Course on Finding Stillness Episode Notes The importance of stillness can not be underrated. Stillness can help you to feel more connected with yourself, the world and those … Continued
The Art of Forgiveness
Have you been suffering because someone at some point in your life did something to you? Do you hold it against them? Find out how to let go of the grudge and reclaim your inner peace. Bonus: A guided meditation that will help you to move on with your life.
One of the biggest anchor is life is when we hold a grudge to someone. When someone did something at sometime and we don’t seem to be able to rub it off. Follow me in a journey of self discovery and self reflection. Find out today how you can let go of those negative emotions. Then you can fly freely in the present and the future.
Love and let go.
- Why would I need to forgive someone?
- What happens when we’re bitter towards others?
- How did I come to this forgiveness stuff?
- The Big Great Guard
- How does this great guard operate?
- Ego Trip
- How do I want to experience my life?
- Why do we feel stuck and the need to forgive someone?
- How can I stop blaming other people?
- Keep your boundaries
Things to remember:
- It’s time to move on with your life, don’t just listen to this, do the work.
- How am I feeling now?
- What would I like to feel instead?
- How can I change how I am feeling now?
- If you can’t love yourself then whom can you love?
Bonus: A free guided meditation that will help you to forgive others.
What did Gandhi want to say with this? He wanted to explain to us that forgiveness is an attribute of the strong but why? Because a lot of the times we might think that forgiveness is something that is for the weak people it is for those who don’t know, so they just forgive and forget. And
What’s the point of doing that? Because we’d rather hold on into a crutch. In today’s episode, we’re going to learn of letting go of negative emotional attachments, particularly on blaming others and forgiving them.
You will learn how to get out of your own way.
Why would I need to forgive someone?
If you’re listening to this, then you might have your own reasons. But the short answers in my book is to improve the quality of your life and the quality of the relationships you have with other people.
What happens when we’re bitter towards others?
What happens is that we are creating a very toxic environment. Your emotions might not be you, but they define your human experience beyond your emotions become your reality. So what do I mean by that is that if you’re feeling bitter towards someone and you’re still in that relationship, you still there. You keep experiencing those negative emotions over and over again, feeling resentment, feeling hateful for all the things that this other person did to you. But even if they’re not in your life, you might be still going on or not anon in your mind. Rethinking of things again and again.
Relationships in general as about how we relate to others and internal experience of relating How do I feel? How do I feel? How do I perceive those feelings? We’re constantly rating to others. And we’re relating to ourselves. Like all the time, that’s what we do. Part of when we’re working with other people, when we are around them, or even when we are on around, how do I relate to myself? Am I my friend, my, my enemy, my officious to others and such way I feel those emotions. So actually,
I am relating in a bad way to this person,
Because I have all these bad emotions inside me. I also feel bad against myself. Maybe not consciously, but this is the experience that I’m having. So, is there a reason you would want to degrade your human experience?
I don’t think I think there’s a better way, a way of living a better life with more positive emotions.
How did I come to this forgiveness stuff?
I had to, I had to because I wanted to move on with my life. I needed to move on with my life being stuck. It’s not a thing that suits me. And it certainly should you either.
The reason is that when you’re stuck, you get to live the same story over and over again. We’ve all seen some movie that the character he wakes up in the morning, and then the whole story takes place. And then the next day, they wake up again, and then they have to go through the same thing. It’s a movie. It’s a setting. It’s a storyline that they’ve used in the movies, and they do it over and over again. And usually the character goes through some trouble until they learn something until they progress until they transcend and so similar concept with our emotions, we have things to learn by paying attention and learning where to move on from those emotions
and have a better quality of life.
So for me, I had to do either with dealing with friends, incidents from my childhood and my parents, or even girlfriends. So you see, relationships
are pretty much the cover everyone. And as for people, and we live through a time, we do things to others and others do things to us that we not necessarily
And they leave a mark on us and we leave a mark on other people. And sometimes things that are really bad. But other times is things that that definitely not malicious, but the way we perceive them, the way we experience them. The way we live through them, is actually what made us feel really bitter towards other people. So that’s the concept Being toxic and being towards to towards others. Personally, it’s not an experience I like having. I don’t want others to dictate Highfield based on something that they did. Yes, they did something. Yes, this made me feel bad at the time, at the time. And most of these things, it’s like we’ve been carrying them around for years and years and years. And if you look back and say, hold on a minute, this happened 10 years ago, 15 years ago.
20 years ago, for some is like 40 years ago,
It doesn’t really matter when it happened. I think that we can also understand the concept of time. Maybe it was yesterday, maybe it was last week, maybe it was a very long time ago. But even a perception to time is relative. It’s still in the past, and we bring this emotions back, and we make them real again. That’s true, like people will behave in funny ways. And along the process of life, we will get hurt. That doesn’t mean Stop living. On the contrary, it means that we should so we can learn. So when you have issues with your parents, your boyfriend, your girlfriend and your friends, your siblings. They left your mother left their mark on you. And that’s part of the journey and let’s accept that. Let’s slowly begin to move on.
The Big Great Guard
When working with forgiveness, the first thing you will meet is the big Great Guard.
Who is the big great Guard? None other than your ego, your ego, lurking in the darkness, waiting to lead you astray. Waiting to tell you that you’re right.
So how does this great guard operate?
The first thing when it comes to forgiveness is the first simple concept that I I was great. I will, I am on my high horse. I shall forgive v. Comma, child, let me forgive you. Let me show you how great I am. Now what I mean by this, by the way, I’m being a bit sarcastic, being sarcastic, because this is really how we feel when we stop thinking about forgiving other people. It’s about us being all the way high up here. And then other people, the people that hurt us that people were looking to forgive, because we were so great and generous.
It’s the same concept as punishing. So in a sense is like, we’re going to punish you and we’re going to forgive you. Or we’re going to let go and actually we’re going to forgive you because I’m better than you. You know what you did was wrong. But it’s that concept that I am high here and you’re down there, and you’re inferior to me, despite the fact that you made all this. You make me feel all those things.
It gets confusing. But that’s an emotional level a thinking level, we get into our ego and we think, yep, I’m great. You’re not, that’s fine. And I’m going to show you, I can forgive you because I’m so great. That’s the ego. The ego will be there, the ego is hiding. Ego is lurking, the ego comes up comes forward, and it tries to drive us astray.
The ego tries to tell us things, that perhaps the real or that have a truthfulness in it. Or maybe we’re not even close to being real.
But it’s conversations we have with ourselves that convinced us to keep going and not letting go.
It convinced us to not forgive it convinced us to if we can pretend to forgive, but not truly forgive.
Another thing that I’ve noticed is like ego trips It’s very easy to have ego trips. I remember years ago now. Now remember years ago, I went on a ski trip. And what’s a really nice ski trip. And in the evening, we had the same place. And we would all like sit around and chat. It was a group of people that I hadn’t really hanging out on much with. I enjoyed the company, and we skied all day, I was snowboarding like, it was fun. But then came the evening, a couple of drinks, a little bit of wine.
And the girl started chat. And the two, there were two of them in particular, and they start having a conversation about past relationships. And in general, when we start to talk about past relationships, because they’ve been in the past, at some point they end and very rarely to past relationships and on a high note, and that’s why they didn’t anyway their concept Their storyline was which boyfriend was worst, the one that did X to me or the one that did Y to you.
And let me tell you all about it. Let me tell you how bad it was. And not only I will tell you how bad it was, I’m also going to prove how far worse it is. Thank you our story. And we see that on the internet all the time, like, have you read through forums and blogs and blog posts and people commenting, like yeah, yeah, yeah, but look what happened to me. And they’re all real stories, I’m sure. But you have to remember that we’re coming through the ego. And I know what the answer is but famous.
You don’t want to have been through, like this person that has done this to me, and this is so bad. You have no idea how bad I got it. But let me tell you all about it. Really? And if you tell me all about it, and if you’re right, how’s that gonna resolve your situation?
How’s that going to make you feel feel any better today? how’s it gonna make you feel any better tomorrow? Because of my book. That’s what counts. I know that the people who go through really bad things, but let’s let’s, let’s be honest for a second, for most, for most people who will be listened to this apart from how you feel there are people who have had a life that’s a lot harder than yours, not just an instance not just an incident with one person once or twice or a few times. There are people who have had it far worse than you.
I won’t go into the details.
How do I want to experience my life?
Let’s just be honest about it, how do I want to experience my life? That is the big question. Do I want to be having such emotions? Because I’m right. Does it justify me because I’m feeling justified or I need to feel toxic and experience those emotions over and over again, towards this person and always myself because This is what it comes down. And we’re going to cover that in another episode probably in the next episode, but it’s like the way I feel right now. It’s an emotion that I’m perceiving first.
And I have to be aware of that. And I have to understand that feeling love and I’m sending love to someone. I’m feeling love, I am being loved. And I’m being loved at the same time. It’s like it’s a weird concept. I’ll get to that in the next episode.
So learn to walk away from self pity. Self pity will not lead you anywhere. It’s not a competition. Get out of self pity. Get out feeling weak. Get out of feeling a victim is power. Forgiveness comes with that feeling of being a victim. Something happened to me and I couldn’t have done anything about it.
Learn to be responsible about how you feel. That’s the key be responsible of how you feel. Learn to stand strong on your own. To feed, meaning, be assertive, something happens, we have to know how to be assertive. This doesn’t have anything to do with egos. It doesn’t have to do with trying to run over people. It’s about guarding yourself.
Because like I said earlier, you’re repeating the same emotional patterns over and over and over again. Once you experience some emotion level, it’s not real. It’s not really something tangible in the in the real world, a three dimensional world.
But it’s something real to you. Because emotions are real, the part of reality, but a part of a different reality. And they’re definitely part of your internal reality, the way you perceive the world. I was betrayed. I know I’m Right, be all the right you want. I told you earlier, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the thing. All you’re doing by being right and being righteousness. So you’re throwing oil into the fire. You make this fire bigger. You make this emotions bigger and more toxic. And you’re degrading the quality of your life. Basically, what you’re doing is you get to feel more of what you don’t want to feel anymore. You don’t want to feel this. But because you’re right, right, you keep feeling this, and you keep even worse and worse and worse.
And what does that bring you? Where does that bring you?
You got to move to a place of love away from you. And I’ll show you how to do this in a little bit. Now,
Why do we feel stuck and the need to forgive someone?
It’s because we are holding on to a grudge. We’re blaming Other people, for everything that we experience and feel. The reason I feel this way as the narrative behind it, the reason that I feel this way is because you did x, you did x and hurt my feelings. I’m going to hold this against you, I’m going to blame you for the way that I feel. I’m going to blame you for what you did. I’m going to blame you and give you all the responsibility, because I’m the victim. And there’s nothing I could have done to help myself. And you can challenge this narrative in different ways. Absolutely. different points that you can take away to make this collapse. For example. The notion that I’m a victim and I couldn’t have done anything, like we don’t say that we don’t go out and sit when things happen. We don’t sit and write Oh, this is why this happened. This is how it happened. It’s never that way. But if you take it and dissect it and cut it into pieces, you will find This message is in there. So you true that there’s nothing that I could have done.
Perhaps it is, I was very little so there’s nothing I could have done because I couldn’t protect myself. And this is what happened.
Fair enough. You were little then. You were little then where are you now?
Because if if something has to do with not having holding the grudge because of what happened then again, it’s right. It’s just Yes, yes, whatever. It doesn’t really matter because what am I doing today as a person? What are you doing today as a person to help you get out of that stuck phase. If we look on how we stay on the stuck face that’s holding a grudge blaming other people giving that responsibility to other people to to hold our emotions. You hold them accountable for what they did. They are the only reason you experience what you experience. If it wasn’t for that life would be fine. If it wasn’t for you, life would be fine. If that hadn’t happened if you hadn’t done this to me. I would have been super happy. Challenge it, how true is that? But what could I have done then? What
Can I do now? So something I can do now. That’s what we’re trying to get to in this.
Because a lot of times when we’re looking into past and past and past and how we can change things in the past. But the most important thing is today, how can I deal with my emotions? How can I start reacting differently to people? How can I have more healthy experiences? How can I have more healthy relationships? These are the things that matter more. Because what was done last week in 10 years, it was something that was done 10 years ago and what was done 10 years ago, some that was done 10 years ago in 10 years time was going to be 20 years ago and the time expands but…
When we think of it, like I said earlier, we bring those emotions to now. What has happened is we’re holding a grudge, we’re blaming other people. And basically, we’ve given away our control.
We’ve said, here is you had control back then, when that happened, and you made me feel that way. And that’s you, and you and you, and you can hold on to that control and still keep making you feel that way. But in reality, the key is in ourselves, how we feel it’s our own way around. Okay.
How can I stop blaming other people?
How could you mean by taking control of how we feel? How do you feel?
Take responsibility of how you feel. Stop being the victim.
Own up to how you feel now. Not only What happened back then? How can I feel now? Back then I felt hurt. How can I feel? Now? I don’t feel differently. I don’t know if you better. Ask yourself, What would I like to feel instead?
And if you want to pause this and write it down, what would I like to feel instead about this person? Or about myself or about my experience? Do I want the minute that I walk in and see person x? To get all angry and frustrated and viciousness and vengeance? Or do I want to walk in and still feel fine, like I did 10 minutes ago.
And for me, the feelings that we want to have instead it’s love. I haven’t found a better answer. I want to feel love. I want to feel love towards myself. I want to walk into a room and still feel love towards other people. And myself. And compassion. Later on, I will show you how compassion comes in. Don’t want to feel bitter and cold anymore. I don’t want that sour taste in my mouth. Like I say you walk into the room and all of a sudden you’re feeling bad. Bad towards whom.
That’s all covered in the next episode towards yourself.
Instead, I want to walk in, feel the warmth in my heart spreading inside me and to those around me. And by moving to love will learn to move away from her ego.
Who you’re still looking to forgive other people, you’re still in your ego, you’re still looking, I’m going to forgive you, you still need your ego.
You got to move past that now. The trick is to come from a place of love and to learn to forgive yourself first, and not others. That’s the trick. It’s about humbleness. You heard me right. Learn to forgive yourself. Why would I forgive myself? No quarter handed ego, ego, ego.
Learn to forgive, and learn to forgive yourself first. Forgiving yourself for the way that you felt for starters. Forgiving yourself feeling bad about another person.
How’s that? It might still find hard to accept that.
But I found the best way to let go and forgive is to start with yourself.
Why would you want to forgive someone. Clearly, you can’t afford not to. And you choose to feel the way that you felt, you’re still the prisoner, you still the puppet, you’re still blaming them, you’re still in that victim, they still have all the power. They still dictate the way you feel. They’re the ones pulling the strings.
And if the string is an anchor using them, that’s a good enough. They dictate the way you feel. So you cannot afford not to forgive them and let go.
And doesn’t matter if it’s a monster life.
Sometimes you have concepts or this happened and you know, now for example, my father has passed away. And Wayne Dyre was one of his concepts that he went to his father’s grave and he forgave him and he let go of those all those negative emotions that he had. And he claims how it helped him with his spiritual path and journey and how she grew as a person after doing that.
Because it doesn’t matter if the person has passed away or not. Because we are dealing with emotions, and they transcend death and transcend time, like, what what happened is the same way that we remember the thing, we remember the event and we bring it back into our memory.
It’s the same concept, so it doesn’t matter.
And the way this forgiveness works, like I said, it’s about forgiving ourselves. It’s not about going to press an axe and saying, Hi, are you forgiven sooner or later? Like we never do that. It’s like, that’s not part of what I’ve been talking about. Because that’s still in the ego, going into other people and say, I forgive you and this and that, and goes back into you feeling higher and superior. They don’t need the need to be forgiven from you.
You need to, they don’t need you to go and tell them the most people. If it’s regular stuff, they won’t even think about it twice.
Don’t even know that you were hurt that much. Sometimes it’s mutual you did this I did this other thing, like, maybe you let go of the ground, so the person still holds a grudge.
But it doesn’t matter because you will be feeling better, very, very soon. Exercise I’m about to give you is best done by giving yourself space and time to be on your own.
Yes, find a place to be in your own.
Meditation omitted from the transcript. If you need it please contact me.
Listen to relax, listen to this, and move on.
So don’t jump into the next episode thinking you’ll come back to this later time and condition to 20 episodes and then
No, just stop. Pull the brakes on the never ending cycle of thoughts as they occur again gets in the way our desires, everything, everything, everything.
We’re living in chaotic life, we have to learn to pull the brake. Take a pause, stop. So we can start again.
Take a moment with yourself. We all have someone to forgive.
So for this exercise, think of a person, choose one person and one person only Before you begin, you want to pause this and think about it. You can do this exercise later, with more and more people. But do them one by one.
Once should be enough, you really let go.
And you go through this exercise. By the end of it, you’re going to feel completely fine.
You’re going to feel happy.
You’re going to have forgiving yourself, you’re gonna have forgiven them. And none of this will ever matter to you again. If you would like to feel you want to go through the same exercise with someone else, go for it.
My suggestion is leave a few days
Wait a few days you know you did a press an A?
How do I feel? Now get back into that that part of your life will be easier to gauge how you feel? How am I related to this person now? Because sometimes it’s about people we no longer want in our life, but we don’t have that emotion or those people when passed over, like we said earlier, but other times this person is going to be in your life constantly, then you might want them to be in your life or maybe you’re sort of forced them to be in your life. That’s a whole different story. But how am I relating now?
How am I feeling now?
Let’s come back to that.
This is in general, this is day to day moment. How am I feeling now? What happened?
My emotions changed again. How am I feeling now?
What made this change in me? How am I feeling now remember that
To conclude, we basically went through is learning to forgive others by forgiving yourself first. By bringing a love for ourself, a toy is passing. The key for me is love. It makes everything melt away. If you love yourself, you become love. If you love others, it melts away. There are no grudge, there is no blame. From the place of self love. It’s very easy to love other people. From the bitterness of the ego. It’s impossible to love or forgive. It’s impossible to feel nice about yourself or anybody else.
Be humble towards yourself towards another person moving away from being a victim, still being humble, if you’re humble, you’re out of your ego, you know, on the high horse and the same level, you’re taking responsibility of how you feel closer to have compassion towards yourself and towards other people.
That’s a trick. That’s a bit.
How confused must this person has been to behave the way that they did? How were they feeling at the moment for them to act our way? How what were they thinking? What have I been thinking, be compassionate towards myself?
How could I? It’s not myself, how could I have done this? Have there been times in my life that I did something similar? Or could I have done the same thing perhaps, maybe like once is that small possibility of me, having done the same to somebody else? Start by loving yourself, to allow yourself to heal might have been taught itself is to love ourselves. have confused things.
I repeat, if you can’t love ourselves then whom can you love ?
The answer is nobody. With some people.
As you’ve chose to go through this, you might choose to let go and move on and not have them as part of your life anymore. It really depends with others you still want them to be in your life. It’s just that you want to have healthier emotions. You want to have a healthier relationship. And take it from any toxic behaviours of the past have those emotions coming back again, you let them be where they belong to be. And that’s in the past. And you can let them be in the past. You can be in the present based in love. Being in peace, basic compassion.
One last thing to remember, especially if you are staying in the same relationship, whatever that is, all these people walks away.
Narratives keep repeating themselves. That’s why I might get similar emotions in similar situations. So it’s important to learn to be assertive. And to keep our boundaries in order to protect ourselves and never allow another person to come in, walk all over us at us. Like I said, this person might be someone you don’t want in your life anymore or someone you want in your life or someone was not here anymore. Is It Anyway, is okay. But you got to keep
Keep your boundaries
You got to learn to keep your boundaries.
Because like I said, another person might come along and hurt you in a similar fashion. A similar way. asserted that was not about being Angry it’s not about attacking people, it’s about standing your own ground. And you The trick is to be factual and unemotional.
I will not accept the way you’re talking to me. I will not accept the way you’re talking to me. This is unacceptable.
Enough, you’ve said enough. You draw the line, you’ve learned to draw the line and allow the other person to come through the boundaries. In other words, fences you see around people’s houses and buildings.
That says you can only come up to here.
If you come any further forward, you’re trespassing and there are consequences.
As long as you’re doing an emotional level.
If you like this exercise, you can buy the downloadable recording.
If you enjoyed this episode, remember to like it, share it with other people and subscribe.
On the next episode, we’re going to start talking a little bit about something that I touched earlier about how we keep bitterness and how when we’re really bitter towards others, we’re bitter towards ourselves first.
On the same token, like whether you love or hate, we’re the ones that primary receiving that emotion.
We’re the first to receive of whatever we give.
Until next time,
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