How to be kinder to yourself
What’s the one thing that is constantly taking place within our mind and is affecting our emotions?
We voice our thoughts through talking to ourselves. That voice has certain qualities, that voice carries certain messages. That conversation, we call it self-talk or inner dialogue.
When it comes to our emotions, we need to understand that we have a choice. Yes, emotions and thoughts can pass through our mind very quickly. There is not much we can do about that event. But there is plenty that we can do afterwards.
In this episode we are going to talk about:
- The effects of negative self-talk in your psychology
- The 2 elements that affect the quality of our emotions and thoughts
- What you need to give to yourself in order to look after your well-being
- How to control your consciousness and direct it towards a more positive dialogue
Our inner self at times is like a kid that fell and scraped it’s knees. Let’s give ourselves the gift of warmth, love and support. Encourage our self to move on, to forget, to smile. And finally to go out and play once again.
0:07 How you use your voice and what you tell yourself
1:16 How we experience the world
1:42 NLP and Auditory Sub-modalities (Pace, Tone)
3:04 Tone carries meaning
3:07 Message and Tone
3:19 Change the message or the tone and change your emotions
4:17 Spiral of negative self-talk
5:10 Cause & Effect
5:23 The Kettle analogy
5:53 Thoughts and emotions are chains
7:01 The Roller Coaster effect
7:55 Become more aware of your internal voice
8:58 Thank yourself
9:15 Give yourself a new direction
9:37 Smashing windows
11:25 Start somewhere
12:20 What is the message this thing is trying to tell me?
12:54 Thanking yourself for being aware
13:12 What emotions do you rather have?
13:24 Give yourself what you need, look after your well-being
13:49 How would you speak to someone you are supporting?
13:56 Identify what is but focus on what you want
15:14 To summarise the process (Awareness, Thanks, New direction)
16:18 In conclusion
18:15 Confucius Quote
18:25 Need help?
18:39 End of season 1
Have you ever realized that the voice that you use your internal voice affects the way that you think and feel?
Have you ever noticed what you tell yourself, also affects the way you think and feel?
Join me in this episode to figure out how to use your internal voice and dialogue for your benefit. Yep. You heard me right, master your own internal voice master your emotions and your thoughts.
Welcome to another episode from Inside Treasures. My name is Phoebus and I love to challenge myself, and those around me for the purpose of growth. This podcast is about helping you to heal to change and grow.
I once had a client, and he was telling me how he had a tape. You had to tape off his own mother’s voice, and I believe he was from a radio broadcast. He used to love putting it in, and listening to it.
When I asked them to try to understand what was it about this tape that was so special, but he found her voice very soothing and very calming very comforting to you episodes ago we talked about how we experience the world. And we said about the five senses that we use in order to come in contact with the world.
Then we moved ahead and talked about how we don’t only have external awareness of sound. We also have internal awareness of sound. In other words, our own internal voice, our own sounds that we make within our mind and our own dialogue that we have with ourselves.
NLP natural Linguistic Programming breaks down, and tries to understand. In what ways, and in what distinct ways. We use a different senses. Like I said, In this episode we’re going to talk about self talk, so it’s more about the sounds and the subtle distinctions that we use to actually characterize the sounds that we make in the voices that we’re hearing within our minds and how we process those were using certain distinctions I would characterize the voice, we characterize the sounds.
For example, we have a direction. What does that voice coming from, is it coming from the left from the right from the top from bottom. Is it clear, or is the model is muffled up.
Are we looking at the same and same and same that we have for example see when we get angry with someone say yeah but this person did that and we say to ourselves about 50,000 times. And then we have like pace, is it fast is it slow.
We have volume is it loud is it soft. How are we using the voice within our mind, what are the certain characteristics that make what we are telling us right now, unique. We also have something else called tone and tone, can be about having a high pitch, or a low pitch. But for me tone is very close related to emotions.
Having a happy time are we having a harsh tone, are we being polite. Are we being critical being angry. Oh, carries meaning, not only are we putting meaning behind the tonality of the way we’re using the sounds within our mind in our dialogue.
So it’s not only the tone, but it’s also the message. And by changing, either of the two. We can change the way we use our internal voice, and we can change the way the thought is affecting the way we feel.
And the way we think we can change the tones in my own mind, I can change the way that I speak to myself, also change the message. Ideally you want to change both but if you’re finding it hard or you’re just being stuck.
Start altering one of the two. And tonality has an emotional charge and that emotional charge can change the way that you’re feeling. On the other hand, we can see how sometimes we have the opposite effect with ourselves, or someone else has an opposite effect to us. Someone else speaks harshly to us, someone else is angry at us and impolite. And it makes us get angry as well.
On the other hand we have our own internal voice so when we make a mistake when we fail. We can enter this spiral of negative self talk about is not empowering us to solve things, it’s not empowering us to move forward. It’s not empowering us. No day to day experience.
Instead of saying, for example, all of us find I’ve made this mistake but here’s what I learned. We go into a spiral thinking, stupid, stupid, stupid, why me why this again.
Why did this person have to do this thing to me. Why on earth is this happening again and again. I know, I know if this person hadn’t done this to me.
And then we go on and on, and on, and then we look back and we begin again reinforcing the pattern that we just executed reinforcing those thoughts that actually in one way, shape or form a helping us respond to the world respond to our own internal reality.
We have cause and effect you see the cause the kinds of thoughts, the kinds of sounds that we make in within our own minds, and how that is affecting us the way that we feel and how when we repeat the process.
It’s like what putting a kettle and turning it on having the water to boil and then wonder why the water is boiling. And then once it goes off, we put it back on, and we make sure we boil the water again, and then again wonder, why is the water boiling the water is boiling because we keep switching it on every time we find those kinds of thoughts.
Every time we fire those kinds of analogies to ourselves, it’s going to affect the way that we think it’s going to affect the way that we feel, and it’s thought and emotion brings another thought and emotion that ties entered.
We’re meditating and when we are there we can see how one thought can lead us to another and one emotion can lead us to another. And when you change that, because it’s a chain event can start in point A, and end up in Z I wonder, How on earth did you get from A to Z.
You can find all you won you can ignore it all you won like those kinds of voices, they come but if you’ve paid any intention in the past years, you will soon begin to realize that this hasn’t ever taken you anywhere, or helped you in any way.
And the problem lies that we are not aware, we’re getting lost. We’re getting lost in the message we’re getting lost in the tone that we use and within ourselves. We’re getting lost in the sift of our emotions.
And once we move into our emotions. Once what we say and the tone that we say sinks in, and we begin to boil, we begin to turmoil, we begin to lose that sense of perspective, lost the game, because then it becomes a little bit too late.
It’s like you’re getting on a roller coaster. The first time you just heading into the sheet strapping in, and waiting. Nothing really much happens, then you might say, Okay, I’ll go play over there. But then you come back, you sit again in the roller coaster, and you wait.
And you do that a few times, and you repeat the same thing. And then at some point. While you’re waiting, and you think that nothing is happening from that cause from that way that we speak to ourselves, then the roller coaster starts the train starts, and it begins to build momentum and it goes slowly slowly slowly at first, and then it tries to go to a peak.
And every time we try to pick. We keep repeating things we keep saying similar things. But actually, our emotional burden begins to grow. And once we peak. Well then, there’s no longer any control.
Then we go into freefall their lives become aware of our voice, the world will become aware of how we’re using it, while we’re telling ourselves.
Realizing and building an awareness of how we speak to ourselves, what kind of tone of music, and what kind of things are we telling ourselves. What is the message that I’m telling myself now, when I’m telling myself, or you can do that. What am I telling myself.
I’m projecting to myself insecurity, I’m projecting doubt. And what does the doubt, having effect to do with how I feel. Will soon change my emotional well being.
I can go ahead and respond to that, I can go ahead and fight with that. I can go ahead and just prove it wrong. In the end, we’re just trying to stay safe.
So that is the message, but I’m saying I can’t do it. But this is something that I really want to go ahead and do what can I do, once you become aware. You can thank yourself. Thank you for self.
Thank you sir for noticing thank yourself for seeing it, seeing it for what it is, the minute we see it. We take a step back, and that is no longer about us thinking that this is our own internal voice.
But this is just the narrative. This is just a message that we heard, and then it’s to give ourselves a new direction, a new message or a new tone. Ideally, both. We can speak to ourselves in a positive way and respond to this, you can do this too. I understand that I’m feeling frightened.
I understand that you’re feeling frightened. But this is something I happen to really like to do thing to remember is like one if fault has passed through. It’s like if I take a stone, and I throw it through the window. There’s nothing on earth that I can do to negate that action.
I’ve smashed the window. The same way with thoughts, thoughts, emotions, they can, they can enter class they can just pass by. And then you wondering what just happen. I just listen to what I just said within my own mind.
So I’ve taken a stone of smash the window. And I’m wondering what happened. And then I’m just sitting there crying over it, beating myself up within saying how wrong. This was that I broke the window and why should I broke the window but actually we had very little control on trying to stop.
That’s part of learning, which smashing windows, we can actually change that. Lucas had just smashed the window, you know that thought passed by so quickly and there wasn’t much I could have done. What can I do to fix it. Now, how can I fix that window. How can I fix that window.
I said something to myself with a tone that was disempowering. I’m going to, am I going to sit there now and chew over it. I’m going to do something about it. I’m not going to stop moving out of this emotional thing with being aware, we learn about how we’re using our internal voice. And what messages are we communicating to ourselves. They’re both very important.
You can we will at some point, realize the way that you’re thinking, mindfulness hops up shallow. And what you’re feeling um that emotional awareness that emotional intelligence.
Having an awareness of your thoughts, is very important. It can start at the beginning. But you might be midway the window might be already smashed. Start to start somewhere, you have to start somewhere.
One of the things that you can start is what kind of emotions, am I getting right now. My being anxious. I’m being doubtful Am I being angry Am I being insecure. What is it that I’m experiencing right now.
That’s called identifying the emotional state that identifying the emotion and naming the emotion and saying, This is anxiety, it’s not.
I’m anxious objectify take it outside of yourself. So if you’re seeing a car outside of you, you’re not the car. When you’re outside of it, you’re not driving, get out of it and you say, this is a car.
This is a red car. So this is anxiety. This is about this is, anger, taking a step back, it pushes you backwards and makes you more worse, what you’re experiencing. What is the message this thing is trying to tell them. What is the message. What is the tone, what kind of things.
Am I telling myself right now, I’m making me feel like, Oh, I don’t know, It just happened, the window got smashed. Sometimes the conversation keeps going within our minds, negative, negative self talk keeps going. Other times, it happened. And then we find ourselves.
Afterwards, with his mass window. Glasses everywhere and wondering what just happened. Because I don’t remember anything. Now the next step is thanking yourself saying, I’m aware that I’m feeling. Anxiety right now. This is the kinds of things I’ve been telling myself. Learn to do this things quicker. Now I’m breaking it down. What kind of emotions would rather have instead.
I’d rather feel happy and rather feel excited, I’d rather feel alright about this. I need some self love I need some encouragement I need some motivation, what is it that I need right now, when I’m being doubtful.
I need some support. I need some safety, I need some motivation. While I’m feeling heard, and in some empathy and in some closeness I need some love. And all of this kind of emotional states, all that kind of messaging, we can actually give to ourselves.
All we have to do is understanding how is it that we would speak to someone that we were trying to support how we would speak to someone that we’re trying to love. The thing is if we don’t focus on something new.
And you’re only focusing on what is then we get stuck on that state, get stuck in anxiety, we get stuck into sadness. We have to think what do I want instead. Guess we don’t have to be present happy all the time. And it’s not natural to be in that state right now.
I would like it if I would have happier. So that’s the emotional state I’m after. What is the tone and the message that I want to give to myself. How can I achieve that. For example, if I want to feel loved right now, what is my love income. How can I tell myself.
I love myself right now. I’m having a hard time. Yes, but how can I love and care for myself. And then it’s digging into the message and digging into the voice hasn’t been someone I’ve loved in the past, how they speak look within you, or make it up.
As long as you use your voice in a positive way. As long as you stop picking positive messages. And then repeat that a few times until you start to feel that emotional shift, because that’s how we usually get into that.
Anyway, either somebody has a big impact on us or we keep repeating it until we get that emotional impact. Someone has this process, basically we want to guide our consciousness and awareness.
We want to why or what’s going on. Thank ourselves. Want to be aware of what is going on within us, what kind of emotions are we getting what kind of tonality are we using with our minds.
And how is that making us feel, going from cause to effect what kind of fuss, am I having what kind of emotion, am I having. Okay, I’m going to thank myself for being aware of this, and I’m going to let it go.
And then we have to choose the new direction, what kind of other emotions Would I rather have instead. And how can I achieve them. Why can I tell myself. We can do this quickly. This is analysis. You’re lost in it, use this in your awareness to hear oh how you feeling how you making yourself feel and think that way.
And then change it in a new direction, something that you want and choose your own internal voice, speak to yourself, in a way, and say the things that you really need to hear right now.
Conclusion a voice is powerful, not only when you express it externally but also internally by using your voice, by using a sound that within our own mind, we can change our reality. We can change the way we think we can change the way we feel.
Since we have such big power. The power of speaking to ourselves positively or speaking to others in a positive way because when we can do to ourselves, guess what, We can help other people as well.
We can speak to them in a different way, or it can help, adjust and direct the way they think the way they’re feeling. I want you to imagine yourself as if you’re a little kid that just fell and scraped scraped your knees and have a little child they’re shoving all wondered, would you run and hit it on his head while it’s crying window instead.
Because a lot of times, that’s what we do with ourselves, something happens, we feel bad. But then instead of helping ourselves out actually hitting ourselves in the head.
When a child need right now. If it was you. Because your child was someone else’s child, and you weren’t the only one around, but would you try to give to that child. How would you speak to that child. We try to control them and give them safety, give them security. First Aid. Give them some certainty. Right.
Everything’s going to be fine that this is going to pass these are the kinds of things that we tell our kids all the time. This will pass this won’t hurt.
You’ll be fine in a little bit, all these things will tell them, and cheer them up and try to make them laugh. We try to distract them from what is moving into something else.
My friend computer said, the more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world, and the world at large.
I’m here to help you heal change and grow, is something that resonated with you deeply, if it’s something that you need help with. give me a shout at (Contact)[ https://www.insidetreasures.com/contact]
This is the end of season one. I’ve really enjoyed the past 15 episodes and I hope you have to go into Season Two the episodes will be far smaller far shorter and easier to consume digest, and most importantly, to implement in your life.
The purpose of this podcast. In general, is to actually implement those ideas. And the more that you get to implement those ideas. The more the episodes are succeeding into what they’re intended to do.
Please share this podcast with anyone you think may benefit.
Until next time let peace guide your life, love guide your heart and reason guide your thoughts.
Photograph by Jon Flobran