You’ve heard about letting go and being detached, but what if I told you that going too far in either direction is keeping you stuck?
In this episode, we will dance between attachment and detachment. How to move fluidly between both so you can stay grounded while also feeling alive. You’ll discover why the ability to shift through these phases is what creates a life full of passion, perspective, and purpose.
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Want to feel more alive without losing yourself? Your ability to move between attachment and detachment determines how fulfilled you feel. You’ll learn to recognize when you’re gripping too tight or pulling too far away, and how to find the sweet spot. The place where you can be passionate and intentional at the same time.
It’s about being in the world, tasting life, while keeping your heart and mind clear.
00:00 It’s when it becomes compulsive that becomes problematic. It’s one when it’s one sided that becomes problematic. But your ability to shift through the phases and to move in and out is what will help
you live a life that’s more fulfilled, that’s more full of life and zest and joy and passion and happiness. And also a life that you can keep your perspective, you can keep your sanity, you can be
intentional, you can be grounded.
00:28 That all comes. It’s not, it’s not about here, I’m talking about conscious, but I’m trying to reach your heart. Welcome, my friend, to another episode from Inside Treasures.
00:41 My name is Phoebus and I love to challenge myself and those around me for the purpose of growth. I’m here to help you to heal, to change and to grow. And the way that I tend to do this is by
restoring the connection you have with yourself, with other people and the world.
00:58 And as a result, that unearths deeper love, deeper trust, and deeper freedom. A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking with a friend of mine and she was like really getting into the whole idea of
detachment and talking about detachment. And I just like wanted to make a clarification around detachment and around the way that we can use detachment to our benefit, but also how when we take
detachment to an extreme, it can also have us completely disengaged from anything that is happening.
01:28 And that can be also as a result of like us being in depression where like nothing really matters for us and we have no association with things. So today I want to take you through the idea and the
different like levels between attachment and detachment and the benefits and the shades like that, the common between. Because sometimes it’s like so easy to talk about being detached or being too
attached and turn on attachment, but it’s like how we can take this extreme stance which actually breaks the purpose of what we’re trying to do and what we’re trying, trying to achieve and how we
are trying to move through the world.
02:02 Now, attachment and detachment, in my book, they have a place, they have a place, they have a time. And it’s just the way that we move through them and the way that we use them as tools, as tools to
our own, like spiritual practice and into the way that we move through the world, but also like how we use them day to day. How do I use attachment and detachment in such a way so that I can
navigate life, move through life? And also like the way I’m picturing is like you move through a narrow Passage and you have to like, shift, shift from one place to the next and from one to the
other.
02:38 So in the spiritual communities, there’s like a lot of talk around, like, attachment and being too attached to things, whether that is, like my material gains or like wanting things outside of us
that we really get. We get this sense of attachment. We talk about attachment in the sphere of psychology and how actually forming attachments is a healthy way for us to be able to move through the
world.
03:00 It’s safe for the child to learn to create attachment with the parents, with like the mother, and to create that warmth, bond, because it helps us be more empathetic. And actually, in the times that
this doesn’t exist, we can see certain mental illnesses that arises. That’s not my purpose today.
03:18 I don’t want to talk about this. What I want to talk about today is how attachment can show up. Attachment for me can show up in a way that there’s something that I really, really.
03:31 And in that way that I really, really, really want it. I become too hyper focused, hyper fixated. And also in the sense that it makes me need.
03:40 It’s me coming from myself of I need. And I’m always very cautious how we use the world need. I like to be cautious with the language that I’m using and the language that other people are using when
I’m working with them.
03:54 Because language is a key, it’s a door and it represents different ideas. So when we can open that door and see what is the language that I’m using. When I’m talking about need, I’m talking about
something that is in the psychological space, you know, apart from the like, human needs that I’ve spoken about in the past.
04:13 It’s in the psychological sense. It’s like I don’t actually need it as the way that I need to breathe, as the way that I need oxygen. But it creates this psychological factor and puts me in that
space that I need this, I need this.
04:26 And it’s outside of me so I don’t have access to this is going through the world and like being attached, like to the things that are there, or like, I really need to hold on to this and like, keep
it. Because if I don’t have it, if I don’t keep it, if I lose it, that’s attachment. I need to keep my phone.
04:42 If I lose my phone, it’s the end of the world kind of idea. So it’s like being so attached to the things that we have that we lose sense of who we are and the role of that thing that it has into our
life. How it is an additive, how it is an extra thing.
04:58 But it’s that complete obsession. And that can show up even in relationships. How you need to be my girlfriend.
05:06 How I need to control you and what you do and your behavior. These are things that like, can show up the different forms and manifestations and ways of expressing attachment. Now, for each one of
us, that shows up differently.
05:21 I think that even you see how that’s how that creates cycles. Because even like when I’ll move to detachment, the complete identification with non attachment is an attachment in itself. So it
becomes a chicken and an egg.
05:35 And what is outside becomes the inside and inside becomes the outside. Staying in this form of attachment, seeing it and like how we go through life being attached. And how there’s so many things
that we’re after as part of desiring and wanting and needing, quote, unquote.
05:57 And that is like a form of attachment. So now on the other side, detachment, the ability to de. Attach.
06:07 To let the hook get off the hook and be like. To create that distance between who you are and that thing that can be yourself. That can be a behavior that can be the way that you’re moving through
the world.
06:19 This being attached into that way of seeing ourselves. That’s an attachment to the ability to detach. In my book, without going like into like dictionary explanations.
06:31 Is that taking a step back, which I often talk about. I often talk about this because it’s like taking the. Creating the space between you and the thing.
06:40 So you as the observer, you can see the thing that arises even when you’re in it and you like attached, detaching. Because there’s a shift, there’s a gradient as we move from one place to the other.
It’s seeing that as it happens.
06:55 And the minute that we become aware, it becomes a subject that we can look at. Becomes like the object in front of us. So we can study it and we have this distance.
07:09 The complete detachment and disassociation with the thing. Is to completely reorient our awareness into something else. That is a way for us to be somewhere else.
07:19 Because it’s like, not only am I no longer attached to the thing, but I’m also not interested. I’m completely disinterested into the thing that was before attaching me. A big part of what I’m
talking about today is the ability to step back and see and study the thing that is showing up.
07:37 Then what you choose to do. It could be like reorient your attention to something else. Or it can be like, re.
07:43 Engaging with the thing that you’re attached because it is something that you want to bring forth into this world. And that is what you will begin to see. That we can use both things, attachment,
non attachment, or detachment, into the way that we move through the world, into the way that we navigate the world, into a way of us to actually be able to express ourselves into the world through
detachment, but through attachment as well.
08:13 It’s the idea of the shift, the noticing, the awareness of how we show up in the world, being attached, and also how we can take a step back and actually study the thing that we have and how
primarily, I think detachment is not so much moving from, like, emotion into thought and abstracting things. It can create that because it kind of like, can put the freeze block. So when we move
into the thought, we kind of like, can freeze the emotion.
08:41 And that’s where the problem can lie with the concept of detachment. When we speak about it, when we use it as a tool for our growth, is the ability to, like, quieten down the emotions so we can
actually observe the things that we are observing and like to see what it is that. The shifts and changes that we can make and whether this thing is actually serving us, how we can, like, distance
ourselves from that, from that person, whatever it is, in order for us to have more agency, in order for us to have more control within ourselves, in order for us to see how we can be more masterful
into the way that we express ourselves.
09:19 So the first step can be that. That I’m taking a step back and I can perhaps be more connected with my thought. At the same time, as you shift through, if you take everything, as I always love to
speak, like, push it even further into the edge.
09:35 You move from day to day life from being in earth, on earth. And then it’s just like you go out of it, and then you can see the whole world. And the world looks different from a distance.
09:45 But if you keep detaching completely from this world, completely from everything and everyone, and you start to drift away from being in orbit into something, into chaos, into the void. So you step
into the void. And once you step into the void, it’s as if you’re like a boat or which has a sail but has no rudder.
10:12 So you have zero control where you want to go. And it just keeps drifting and drifting and drifting, Taken into currents and taken into places that you don’t want to be heading, because then you
lose touch with life. So, yes, have the ability and Build the ability to detach from things, but also build the ability to attach to things.
10:34 And both can be happening, both are happening already and both can happen consciously as an intentional way of acting and being in your life. So this can help you. Because when we get over the edge
and we’re actually too tense and too like waiting for this thing to happen, how much we need it, it’s like I can relax, I can take a step back.
11:02 And then on the opposite side, when we become so detached from life that nothing really matters, that none of this has any meaning, that all the people in the world that we have around us don’t have
any meaning. What I want you to notice here is how you are the central piece to that. How you, your attitude, your thoughts and emotions create that in a way that when you want to detach, you have
the option and ability to do that.
11:31 By building that skill, but also in the way of attaching that, you can create a family, for example, that you can be with someone that you’ve been craving for. Because I can be like, I’ve been
craving to be with someone, but all of a sudden I can be like, well, I don’t want any of that because it just hasn’t happened. So I detach.
11:49 And then I can be like, I’m indifferent to women, as an example. Can be the same with money. I don’t care about money, so I don’t need any of that.
11:56 So I don’t have to do anything about that. And there’s value in that. There’s great value.
12:00 But it misses the utility, the utility of your ab to have the power to enter the world, to penetrate the world and create the things that you want, not only for you and ego based, but also in
service of those people who are around you. Why did I talk about the difference between like the thoughts and emotions? Because with too much emotion, we become unreasonable and we can do things
that we actually don’t really truly want to do. It’s like if I get really angry, I might lose track of who I am, what I do and what I say.
12:34 But actually I’m out of control. So too much emotion can put us out of control. Our ability to modulate the way that we feel and move in and out from emotion can help us be more masterful with
ourselves, with our relationship.
12:49 Again, going back into that connection, it’s you’re moving in and you’re moving out. So you’re in the emotion. It’s the ability to actually reason behind your emotion.
12:59 But like I said, if we Move completely into thought, into abstract, into the void. Everything loses its meaning, everything loses its essence. Because the meaning that before we were creating now
becomes more abstract.
13:14 We stop. We can choose different meanings, but actually we stop creating any meaning around this. Because like I’m indifferent.
13:20 I can watch this, look at this. And again, it has utility in things that actually you’re struggling with and suffering with, but as a way of living day to day all the time, it’s about us being in
the world, being connected with the world. And in order for us to be connected with the world, it’s cultivating that inner connection within us.
13:41 But not so much that I need to cultivate this connection with myself and God or whatever else you want to have into your playbook out there on top of a mountain, but actually inside the world. And
that is the bit that I’m talking about. Having that ability to come into yourself, which has that as an attribute of that of detachment, but then bringing the zest of life in you as a form of
expression, as expressing yourself through love, having that freedom, opening all like the roads and blocking all the roads.
14:13 Because now you’re moving into attachment, but you’re not attached. And you have the ability to move back and forth. You have the ability to be, take a.
14:23 Take a step back. But then when you need to engage in life and penetrate life and be in life, you do that, you do that and you build mastery doing that and you keep failing and you do it again and
then you fail at something else and then you do it again. And for me, that’s a way of living, that’s a process that the joy of creating, the joy of being with people, with being with ourselves, with
expressing ourselves, with coming in touch, it’s a giving way.
14:54 It’s a giving way of being and that can create so much for you. Most of all, it creates fulfillment. Because it’s as if an artist that is like sculpting or using their hands to create something.
15:08 So there’s the attachment that I care for what I create. It might break. So I become non attached.
15:15 But also in the way that I’m creating, I’m creating food, I am creating fully. I give my all, my essence, I give myself into this, I give myself to other people. The attachment is like, oh, so they
can appreciate me.
15:29 That’s like the little ego talking. But as part of the craft, as part of something that you’re giving to the world as an expression, 100%, you want to be attached at the end of the day or at 2pm or
whatever it is, you can go back into being detached. Someone that said something that hurt me about the work that I’m doing, I can take a step back, but also show what I’m loving, also show what it
is that I have to give.
15:57 And being passionate when I give that to the world. I switch this video off, I’m done. I can go back into being my Zen mode.
16:06 I don’t have to be out there and all seen. I can relax, I can step back. But while I’m doing this, it’s about my ability to be here.
16:17 And that’s attachment. But it’s an attachment of service, it’s an attachment that creates utility and it’s an attachment of giving. And it has value.
16:31 Because if you all went into like, let’s all be detached and guess what we’re doing all day long, most of us, why there’s so much world around us, yet we’re so attached into our phones and so
detached from the world and the people around us. And then we’re wondering why we’re struggling with mental health issues, why we’re unable to connect with people that we love and care because we’re
so stuck, so far away, drifting into the chaos and the void. And then who cares because I can go into this other planet.
17:09 So detachment from something creates attachment to something and attachment to something creates detachment from it. It’s when it becomes compulsive that becomes problematic. It’s one when it’s one
sided that becomes problematic.
17:22 But your ability to shift through the phases and to move in and out is what will help you live a life that’s more fulfilled, that’s more full of life and zest and joy and passion and happiness. And
also a life that you can keep your perspective, you can keep your sanity, you can be intentional, you can be grounded. That all comes from building that mastery of getting in and out, attaching and
detaching, caring and not caring.
17:54 That way you’re not practicing detachment and non attachment from a place of spiritual bypassing, from a place of not caring, from a place that is like, oh look at me, I’m superior. No, actually
it’s reaching, creating the cycle, reaching that space and then re entering the world and being with other people to show how much you care and how much you love. And that of course comes from your
nature, from within you as a self expression.
18:29 And it’s not just like a dry thing. That’s why sometimes like with this medium and like talking to people in information, it can have that that is just like, oh, it’s another piece of information
that I will hear. And it’s like attachment detachment.
18:41 This is like now I know that it’s not, it’s not about here, I’m talking about conscious, but I’m trying to reach your heart, to reach your heart, to reach who you are and from that, to give forth as
a source of like water spurting out. To give life, to be generative, to be part of the world. Being connected with the world is about being in the world.
19:16 And sometimes I do talk about getting out of the world in order for us to find our connection. But that needs to have purpose. The in and out, the yin, the yang.
19:27 Go out to come back, don’t go out. So you go out and never come back. Go out to come back, come back to go out.
19:37 And that way you get to play and that way you get to taste more of life. Thank you, my friend, for tuning in to another episode from Inside Treasures. If there’s anything that resonated with you,
share it with someone you care and love.
19:53 If there’s someone you can think of right now that they could find this content useful, share it with them. If you need any help with attachment, detachment or some of the other things I’ve talked
about in the past, give me a shout. Find me on instagram@insidetreasures.com or go to my website at www.
20:20 insidetreasures.com. there’s a button to book a call. There’s a contact form.
20:32 Reach out, connect. Because like I said, being in the world is the ability to connect with other people. Thank you for tuning in to another episode from Inside Treasures.
My name is Phoebus and until next time, my friend. Let peace guide your life. Let love guide your heart and reason guide your thoughts.
PS. If you want to find stillness in your life and connection with yourself. Join the online Finding Stillness self-paced course.
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